He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
