Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
