gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
