I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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