....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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