this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
