I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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