somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
