remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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