quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize