i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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