You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Randomize
