If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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