The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it because I queefed?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
