From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize