I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
