My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
