literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
