Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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