I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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