Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why do cheetos always look like penises
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
