You can't special order awesome
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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