Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
