i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
