i permit you to call me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
