Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
