get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
