But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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