Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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