sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
