Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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