Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
