You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
