Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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