never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize