Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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