I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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