Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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