My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
