This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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