Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You smell like stripper and shame
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
