almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
