Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
