The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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