It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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