P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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