cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
