She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I want a musical about memes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
