What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
