you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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