Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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