FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
