i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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