im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
