i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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