weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize