just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
