She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
