guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
