I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
