i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
