I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize