Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
