Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
These tits shall not be calmed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
