I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
