I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
