It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
worst night to have a conscience
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
