Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
