once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
