which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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