We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Farmville is her only friend.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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