dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
