So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
