so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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